How do I make myself heard, without being rude?
My brother in law (brother A) lives in another country. He visits us once a year, but prefers to stay with us, rather than his brother (Brother B). The main reason being that the brother isn't as "well off" as we are, and he wants to have his vacation in luxury - cable tv, broadband internet, etc. His brother lives in a sh1thole. Now, both brothers are alcoholic chain smokers. Every time brother A comes to 'visit', it ends in problems between my wife and myself, and it places a lot of pressume on us. He parks off in front of the TV, watches sport and drinks the ENTIRE day. We have a 10 month old baby. At night, when the baby has eventually gone to bed, my brother in law is so pissed that he passes out on the couch at about 19:00. So, the quality of the entire visit is non existent. Other than that, the only time he gives any attention to his nephew, is when he's fall-over drunk. Then we have to run around, making sure he doesn't drop him. It's really a nightmare when he visits. On the other hand, my wife's parents are both deceased. So, her brothers are really the only family she has left. I can't deny her contact with them. Brother A's got a visit planned - not so much to see us, as he's coming to South Africa purely for the World Cup. It's just convenient that he's planning to crash with us again. And I refuse to let him. He's a drunken slob who treats us like sh*t. How do I tell him that he won't be able to stay with us, without causing too much family friction? He won't accept that there is any problem in his behaviour - their father drank himself to death, and my bro in law thinks it's completely natural to be drunk every night. He's a functioning alcoholic, and doesn't do bogus things when he's pissed. He shows us absolutely no respect when he visits - he'll constantly make remarks about things like how his TV at home is so much better, how he can't believe we still use a VHS VCR, how small our home is... He even went as far as to ask me why I look at store brochures, "coz you anyways can't afford anything in it!" We're not poor, but we work very carefully with our money. We rather pay off a 20 year mortgage in 6 years, than have the biggest plasma TV in the lounge. To us it's about priorities. I've actually just sent him a mail, saying that, should he wish to stay with us, it will be a TOTALLY smoke-free visit. Not even smoking outside the house. Our baby has an acute smoke allergy, and I'm not prepared to risk his health for a selfish uncle. This guy lives in a total plastic bubble - was skyping him earlier today, and he was drunk off his friggin rocker! It's actually embarrassing! Anyway, he now knows that he pretty much can't stay with us, and I've emailed him accommodation options. The only problem is that he's so thick skinned, he probably won't even get the hint that we don't want him there. My wife is in 100% agreement with me on the issue. yahoo mann - firstly, sorry dude, I don't speak Stupid. Learn to spell, you retard. I can't understand a word you're trying to say.
Other - Family & Relationships - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I think first of all yu´re not responsible enough and you like to show your priorities to those brothers to feel great: Otherwise you had no relation with such manners long ago. Don´t think yu´re a good one, no - yu´re not. It has nothing to do with family climate, these both are selfish and you like to be proud for your big -plasma tv and others. dam care of your child or your family. better you don´t let them entry to your home again and can secrifice easily such family members always, IF YOUR STORY IS TRUE. You´ve to not help for anything at anytime for his vacations. He is old enough to arrange or manage his holidays/vacation alone. Yu´re not guardian of them. He even does not respect the 10 months old child´s life. Yu´re talking about family ? I think you have to learn first- whats a family ? Sorry man, yu´re ver instabile person and very cowerd to tell the truth in right way. Thanks and try to understand. deen
2 :
SOrry But No Way To be But Blunt. It's Your Home and I would tell Them Like it or Not your Not Gonna Put My sons Life in Jeporady. Why should you Have to put up with this kind of SAhit in Your Home. If he is that drunk He don't Remember the Visit anyway. Tell him if he wants to Visit he will have to saty at a Local Hotel or Motel. That you and your wife have already made plans the week he will be in Town and you would rather He not stay at your Home when You are at Work. What would happen if he was drunk and fell asleep with a cigarette in his mouth or in the ashtray and it caught the house on Fire. I would tell him you would enjoy his Visit But the Alcohol and Smoke will NOT BE ALLOWED. I am sure your wife will Agree that It's Not worth Putting her Son's Life At risk.
3 :
That is a really tough situation your in because he will try make it turn bad to manipulate you. I was in a similar situation with my own sister. She has never met her niece and was planning on visiting me (as I live overseas) just to get free accomodation and meals and asked if her friend i have never met could stay with us too. She is a pretty much acoholic and every second word is cunt. She is very selfish and very abusive and at times violent and that is not good for my 10 month old daughter. I always knew she only wanted to visit to see the country and not see her niece or me. I told her the truth as it is the only way I could go about it. Id rather lose her as my sister then have the slight risk of danger present around my baby. I told her if she wanted to visit us and take us for granted then she will have to contribute a financially to meals etc and I told her EXACTLY how I felt, I called her a selfish user and all. As soon as I said contribute financially she cancelled the trip and didnt talk to me for over a month. While family is important to me the needs of my own new family is my first priority and she needs to realise that just like your wife. It is your house and your rules and displaying behaviour like that in front of a child is completely inappropriate and also disrespecting your household. Ok she doesnt have anyone else but his behaviour could be a serious risk to your child depending on how alcohol affects him and he could do stupid things. You really need to put your foot down firmly! He will be very angry but if he truly loves his sister then he will be willing to negotiate. Tell him you have your own family now to take care of and that his selfishness isnt apart of that family if he doesnt want to accept that then tell him to go stay with his other brother or you will cut all ties which of cause you dont want that but you have the right to say no this is not right. Thats the thing about family, some people take that status for granted and treat other family like that because they know family is to always love and forgive so they act like that.
