Can someone revise my Essay Please ! ?
Africa (South of the Sahara Desert and North of the equator) By: Laura Pinheiro Henrique Africa has many serious development problems, education is one of them. The biggest problems with education in many African nations are: a lack of funding and a lack of qualified teachers. Most of the educated Africans look to Europe, The United States and other better developed areas of the world to move to, so that they can make more money and live comfortably. In Africa, millions of children don't have the opportunity to receive any education because of the massive poverty and diseases. Pushing education would greatly help Africa in each of the other problematic areas like gathering food, protecting their health, and other necessary parts of survival.43% of 35 African countries have an adult literacy rate of less than 60%! On the Global Literacy map it shows that very few countries in Africa get a literacy rate of 70% and higher. An education provides you with opportunities. Opportunities to get a job to make money, opportunities to find things that you enjoy, and opportunities to make connections to other people. Another very serious development problem would be AIDS and HIV and the lack of medicine to cure it. Africa is home to 70% of adults and 80% of children living with HIV in the world. It is estimated that in 2003 close to 2.3 million people died of HIV- related illness in Africa. Since the beginning of this epidemic more than15 million Africans have died from Aids. Aids have lowered the life expectancy rate to 40 or less in many countries! Although there is no cure for AIDS, drug cocktails and improved medical care in developing countries is significantly extending the lives of people living with HIV. Very few Africans can afford the drugs needed to fight AIDS, which can cost between $500 and $1,000 a month; also many African governments do not have funds to import these drugs. The average African nation spends less than $10 per person each year on health care. Of 24 million people or so with HIV, a large number of them don't even know that they are infected. To fight this lack of funds, the United Nations are urging developed countries to fund the war on HIV. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the words “Clean Waterâ€? I think of all the people in Africa who don't have access to clean water. We take its abundance for granted, but in much of the world, especially Sub-Saharan Africa, access to clean water is a luxury. According to the United Nations, more than half of Africa's population lacks access to clean water. That’s about three hundred sixty million people. Two of every five Africans lack access to an improved water supply. In rural Africa, women commonly walk 3.75 miles each day to the nearest water source to fetch water to drink. In some parts of Africa, women use up as much as 85% of their daily energy intake on getting water, increasing incidences of anemia which occurs when the level of healthy red blood cells in the body becomes too low and other health problems also occur do to lack of clean water. Having unclean water can result to bad sanitation which also impacts hygiene. The best way, so far, that this problem has been dealt with is by community effort. Community organizations donate and/or grant to help fix this problem. Unclean water contains bacteria, viruses, etc. In result many diseases are caught. Millions of people are stricken by diseases that could have been prevented if safe drinking water existed on the African continent. An example is Mozambique who has 42% of clean water! A really good solution that people came up with is the Play Pump system: while children have fun spinning on the Play Pump, water is being pumped from underground and it can produce up to 1400 liters of clean water each hour. The Human Development Index is used to distinguish whether a country is a developed, a developing, or an under-developed country, and also to measure the impact of economic policies on quality of life. The different scores for each country are added and averaged as one final number. On the Human Development index it shows that Nigeria and other African countries have a score from 0-0.49 and is in the category of “lowâ€, which means that they don't have a good education, health and wealth system. This affects the popularity of the country and the population, making many people not wanting to live in that certain area because of that country's average score. Africa's living standard is extremely low, the average African has scarce access to safe drinking water and most commonly lacks plumbing. Sub-Saharan Africa in particular is one the world's poorest regions. According to the World Bank 74.9% of the population lived on less than $2 a day in 2003; 44% lived on less than $1 a day. Most of the foreign aid that is pledged rarely gets to Africa, foreign aid is needed, but they need us to teach them how to f
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opening statement doesnt blend to much. i think it should be semi colen in "in many african nations are;"but not sure.there should be a comma after united states.i dont think there needs to be a comma after "to". in formal writing percents should be written out like "20 percent" and you shouldnt have "opportunities.Opportunities". they should be right next to each other. i would combine those 2 sentances. u forgot to put a space inbetween "than 15" in the second paragraph.comma after drug cocktails. i would just make it the end of a sentence after 1000 a month.not a semi colon. in formal writing it should be 10 dollars and not $10. Its should of a apostrophe in the 3rd paragraph.You could go 360 million but your ways fine.it should be. theres another ":" in the 3rd paragraph.once again im not sure about that.find a better word for poorest.theres another $2 in there. (also remember to indent paragraphs) and it stops at "f" so im guessing it was too long.
